You Found Me
Profilectlx.Carlene Tan Li Xuan 11th July 1988. Currently 23+. Studied in St. Anthony's Canossian Primary and Secondary School, SRJC (first 3 months), TPJC, NUS FASS (econs). loves family, friends, chocs, western desserts, yellow, etc etc.
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Wednesday, August 31, 2005first and foremost...HAPPY TEACHERS' DAY!!! to especially all my teachers back at SAC whom i unfortunately didn't get to meet(nvm, fri fri), please do take good care of yourself, esp my bio teacher whom i heard was admitted to the hospital.. i'll be praying real hard.. and to all my other teachers, that you'll be in the pink of health and continue this wonderful job as a teacher for as long as possible, don't give up on SAC no matter how urgh the new batches become... i promise i'll go back whenever possible and render my help whenever i can... =) meanwhile, have a marvellous teachers' day, and may the good lord bless u in all that u do.... love ya loads... well, the reason why i didn't go back to SAC was cause my buddies decided not to skip school and i couldn't cause my mum.. ya... so anyways, ended up attending all planned lessons and watching the performance which i quite enjoy.. ^.^ then again, come to think of it, i think SAC's one was much better, as in much more performances which i suppose was much more enjoyable not because they were better, but the atmosphere, the homely feeling of belonging, the care and concern from every teacher made the event so much more meaningful then it was at tpjc. ah wells, i guess it can't be helped cause after all, i'll only be there for 2 years? or maybe even less.. haha... valr was saying that i'm a really lucky girl to have all my bestest buddies here with me, which is true, i do feel truely blessed and i'm really grateful to have these buddies around though i miss my cindy like crazy, and my xue ling and many other friends but i guess, i am in no position at all to ask for more. =) hm... i guess i understand why mei yi held on so tightly to him, as in i guess i could understand why she would go that extra mile to help even when she's hurt and upset and feels betrayed. i guess its because she's afraid to lose this friendship which she cherishes, just like me, i'm afraid to lose someone, so i guess at times, i do make the extra effort, but like between us(me cheryl mei yi cindy) it doesn't really matter cause we know we'll be there for each other 24/7, whenever we need in whatever we do, we don't have to worry this friendship will strain cause we know somehow or other, we'll pull tighten the strings again. so i'm not at all worried we'll lose contact, and i owe all this security to non other than SAC. in that school, i learn how to cherish and hold on to what's most important and i made friends which i doubt i could ever make if i was anywhere else. so i'm really grateful =) hm.. i've also been thinking.. i think i'm too nosy.. haha! oops... but haiya, if i'm not nosy then no longer carlene will i be right.. so ya... hehe.. i guess life just revolves nowadays with trying to get down to study really hard for promos, revolves around trying to cheer tt best friend of mine, and still... trying to become a better me... haha... i just feel so sad for her, i mean, she's never not liked by anyone, as in she can have tons of people after her but happens that the 1 she likes, never coincides with the 1 tt likes her. poor child, the worst part, she never fails not to get hurt. but u know what, like they always say, "we leave the best for the last", and i believe when that prince charming comes, he's going to blow her away and protect her. =D so as i was saying, think i've been gossiping too much, can't help it with all the hot gossips 1st hand. haha.. okay, so there were some other stuff i wanted to type, can't remember now, all that's in my head is this chinese fortune telling thing, or some chinese horoscope i should say that my mum let me read just now, for our year, we erm, should concentrate on studies cause otherwise our results will drop progressively.. no good.. relationship stuff not so good as well.. but ah wells... shall go mug now! i THINK.. haha... off i go! tata! Goodies Lyrics Artist: Ciara My Goodies, My Goodies, My Goodies Not my goodies! I got a sick reputation for handlin broads All I need is me a few seconds or more. And in my rap Tell valet to bring my 'Lac And I ain't comin back So you can put a car right there. I'm the truthAnd ain't got nothin' to prove. An you can ask anybody Cuz they seen me do it. Barracades, I run right through 'emI'm used to 'em. Throw all the dirt you want it's no use. You still won't have a pinup in a fabulous room On her back pickin' out baskets of fruit. (I love you boo)Yeah freak and Petey love you too. Ha Ha You know how I do.. [Hook: Ciara] You may look at me and think that I'm Just a young girl But I'm not just a young girl. Baby this is what I'm lookin' for: Sexy, independent, down to spend it type that's gettin' his dough I'm not bein too dramatic that's the way I gotta have it. [Chorus: Ciara] I bet you want the goodies. Bet you thought about it. Got you all hot and bothered. Mayb' cuz I talk about it. Lookin for the goodies Keep on lookin' cuz they stay in the jar Oh-oh Oh-oh Oh-oh Oh-oh [Verse 2: Ciara] Just because you drive a Benz I'm not goin home with you. You won't get no nookie or the cookies I'm no rookie. And still I'm Sexy, independent I ain't wit' it so you already know. I'm not bein too dramatic that's the way I gotta have it You think you're slickTryna hit But I'm not dumb I'm not bein too dramatic it's just how I gotta have it [Chorus] [Verse 3: Petey Pablo] So damn hot but so young. Still got milk on ya tongue Slow down lil one And you ain't got it all Hey shawty You think you bad but you ain't bad I'll show you what bad is. Bad is when you capable of beatin' the baddest. I been workin' at it since I came to this planet And I ain't quite there yet but I'm gettin' better at it. Matter of fact, Lemme tell it to you one mo' again All I got to do is tell a girl who I am (Petey!) Ain't naa chick in here dat I can't have Bada boom bada bam ba bam! [Verse 4: Ciara] You're insinuating that I'm hot But these goodies boy are not Just for any of the many men that's tryna get on top. No you can't call me later And I don't want your number. I'm not changin' stories Just respect the play I'm callin'. [Chorus (2X)] Uh...Yeah...Uh...Yeah Uh Uh Uh Monday, August 29, 2005i got 5/30 for my physics test. can u believe, FIVE out of 30. its atrocious can, i'm the LOWEST in class, so upset and disappointed. bernie was crying beside me, at that time i was just thinking maybe it wasn't so bad, maybe its cause i didn't study and stuff but still, i couldn't stop myself from tearing. luckily no one saw, otherwise die lar...so ya, wanted to say more stuff but forget it.. gtg.. ciao.. Sunday, August 28, 2005okay, firstly, i'm in a foul mood.. seriously super bad mood, mainly for 2 reasons, which will be elaborated later on... and i apologize before hand if it sounds vulgar but in an extreme emtional state. could blow anytime... haha...Messege 1: to my best friend's best friend(if he ever reads it). i seriously think u're the dumbest thing on earth. look, she feels something for you but u can't feel a single thing! honestly i think ur sensory neurones are spoilt and can never be repaired. she cares for u from the bottom of her heart yet u don't sense it at all, what are u, plain dumb? she cares for u to the extent that she thinks bout not wanting to add on to ur troubles so she doesn't admit, she cares to the extent of trying to make u think more maturely by wanting u to see 2 sides to the story but u simply put it off as her siding the other party. she cares to the extent that she wants u to be happy at her expense, and yet, u don't notice it at all. instead u took note of someone who sides u like nobody's business, sides u all the while and lets u become a 1 sided self centered freak. seriously i think u're dumb. great, now u made ur marvellous choice and u left her all alone. i doubt u even know she's hurt cause u think she's the happiest person on earth for winning her bet. okay, she's not much cleverer cause she won the bet at her own expense. then, all she ever wants is for u to be happy, and i don't think u'll ever realise it. u're seriously pathetic. If u ever read this, my best friend's best friend, go think about it, my best friend is someone whose hard on the mouth but really soft inside, u ought to know that by now. Go reflect and think in a broader mind of how she's been there for u in her little little ways trying to help u the best she can. then again, i guess u'll never know how she feels for u cause she isn't ever gonna say since u already made ur choice. and to my best friend, we're strong pple, and we'll walk with u through this once more, and next time, trust me u'll find someone who'll cherish u for all that u are... like ur bro said. "go find someone better lar!" haha... =) Messege 2: to my dearest mum. Dear mum, i can't stand the way u ALWAYS think u're right and push all the bad genes to the "tan" family. i mean our bad-temperedness, self centered behaviour and all other aspects that's negative about us(my siblings and i) is always attributed to the fault of the "tan" family, it is NEVER ur genes. All u ever know how to say was "why can't u all be a little more like me". honestly if i was more like u, i'd be an irritating old woman who only knows how to self pity and think she's right. honestly that's all i can get out of u. u critisze so much about daddy's genes that now even bro thinks he's lousy to be a "tan". Is that what u want? to let everyone think u're the greatest woman of all, to let the world know u've sacrificed much? i know u have, but what is ur motive in trying to tell my bro all the negative aspects of daddy. now bro disrespects daddy and us(me and my sis) so much. he hits us when u don't see, acts like n angel in front of u. sweet talks to get his way and u blindly accept it. what the hell is wrong with ur perception. u always praise urself saying u are very perceptive and objective but i don't get it at all. i'm so bloody sick and tired of all ur self praising and thinking u're right. and wanting everything to go ur way, and putting the blame on others and using us as sandbags when u're unhappy. u read the papers bout kids who turn really nasty and evil and u say their parents this their parents tt, and i see a replica of those kids in my bro and u don't give a damn about it. he's so freakingly rude i want to strangle him, he hits me sooo hard that sometimes i get a bruise, but when i tell u, all u ever do is just "yu wei, stop being naughty" full stop. no whacks from u nothing. and when all we(my sis and i) want is for u to discipline him so he wouldn't become a bad boy in future u say we're sadistic and can't wait to see him get punished. oh hell, why would we want him to get punished if we're not being bullied ourselves?? have u ever thought of why we even bother to tell u, have u ever considered what he does behind ur back? ARGH!!!! it isn't my fault i'm not as smart as my bro, its not my fault i don't know how to bootlick, and its not my fault i'm a daughter and not smart okay? maybe u shouldn't have given birth to me, because all u ever said to me was that i only knew how to spend ur money. i seriously am already very obedient okay and yet u can't appreciate. i really wonder when u'll ever say anything encouraging without linking to self pity. i wonder when u'll ever sit down and think about how rude my bro is in public and to other pple in the family. u know what, he's rude to the extent that he even dares to say my uncles and aunties in public, and why do u think he has all these bad images and influences. thanks to my mum. she NEVER fails to complain about them and say EVERYTHING bad about them. she never fails to make herself sound pitiful and sacrificing, and everyone else in the world are just mean pple. she never fails to add in her conversation with my bro "i can only depend on u, ur sisters are all useless, don't be like them, especially ur father." ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bloody pissed off. Saturday, August 27, 2005big word up there huh.. self created word... haha! i wonder if there really is such a word.. hm.. anyways, i forgot to add in my previous post to tell all my dear classmates who've been reading my blog to add a taggie!!! my tagboard's rather dead as u can see so drop a tag as u come ok? yup... tt's about all...Hm... what have i been doing today... i know! in the morning i went down to macs to study with mei yi, met wenting and xiaowen at macs, followed by chin shyan some time later.. they were doing some guitar stuff... er... studied for say 2 hours and then i had to rush off for piano, followed by drama. Dear mei yi was kind enough to accompany me at marine parade during the time lapse between piano and drama, but of course, she had company... haha! oops... =X Piano ended at about 3.10, went to meet mei yi and =) and then, ate my mcflurry(fattening i know), and the mac counter girl cheated me of my $$... she gave me so little ice cream!!! hmph!! i have made up my mind NEVER to eat mcflurry at anywhere else excpet t mart's macs. (do remind me if i forget) haha... bought sweets and jellybean for my sis, then walked to drama center with mei yi and company... hehe... THANK U for all the company... ^.^ lessons were alright.. i just realised drama was in a week and i haven't read my shakespeare play, neither have i read my short stories from complete stories by dorothy parker(boring book.. actually paid 30++ for it.. urgh) and my piano's exam in is say 2 weeks? THAT i'm totally screwed cause i haven't had enough practise due to time constraint, and haiya, just a whole load of resons. just really unconfident of this years exams... esp promos, therefore, i have examophobia.. haha... ya, and once again, a well wish for my dear sickly friends for u all to get well real soon so u can start mugging real hard for the coming promos.. and to those sickly little pple who haven't seen the doctor, go see him/her quick.. gotta get well soon, u don't want to be spreading the viruses as well too... =) yup... tt's all folks.. take care!!! night!! sweet dreams!! More Than Words by* Extreme Saying I love you Is not the words I want to hear from you It's not that I want you Not to say, but if you only knew How easy it would be to show me how you feel More than words is all you have to do to make it real Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me Cos I'd already know What would you do if my heart was torn in two More than words to show you feel That your love for me is real What would you say if I took those words away Then you couldn't make things new Just by saying I love you More than words Now I've tried to talk to you and make you understand All you have to do is close your eyes And just reach out your hands and touch me Hold me close don't ever let me go More than words is all I ever needed you to show Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me Cos I'd already know What would you do if my heart was torn in two More than words to show you feel That your love for me is real What would you say if I took those words away Then you couldn't make things new Just by saying I love you More than words Friday, August 26, 2005eh-hm... this lil msg is for all those who have been reading my blog secretly.. *stares* haha... welcome to none other then carlene's very own blog.. whee!okay, so anyways, it was just any usual friday, with aces day in morning... rather fun to get a good laugh in the morning.. haha... oops... k after school met mei yi and her classmate and we went to eat macs, spent some time studying then headed back to school to hear the ke yao thing in the audi... the first few peeps weren't that good, but of course there were some that weren't too bad. but i missed those at the end cause i had to go for drama... ah wells, i hope there'll be some other chance! so now i'm home and updating my blog, and gonna research on my drama stuff soon. gonna fail man, and i haven't practised the piano.. screwed... alright then.. just heard an interesting first aid case from mei yi, hm.. maybe i missed out quite a lot by going for drama, then again, i had company home so it wasn't too bad i guess? haha... and once again to all my sick little friends... get well soon and god bless!!! Thursday, August 25, 2005i was in low spirits yesterday cause firstly, i lost to the sneaky businessman AGAIN for the second time. well it isn't all about the losing part, its the fact that ah well... not easy to explain. basically both me and mei yi were in dampen spirits...so anyways, i was complaining to some of my friends bout losing my m&ms and stuff... and guess what... the next morning... i had 2 pple giving me m&ms... kr and my classmate. was kinda touched but kinda reluctant to take cause i mean, i didn't ask them to buy anything and i definitely didn't rant to get chocs so ya... hai, i hope those things didn't mean anything else.. =X all was fine until my dear cheryl tang said something.. well not actually but haiya, i just hope that he doesn't get the wrong idea cause ya, i just don't like giving pple false hopes and then.. u know what i mean... yup... so have been all tired out and stuff, can't concentrate for nuts, sleeping in class more than i listen and growing fatter by the minute.. sigh... and everyones getting sick.. so take care ya... tata! Friday, August 19, 2005i failed, this is the very first cip which i failed terribly at, and that's working with the elderly. somehow i was so afraid to approach the elderly, i don't know why, they're harmless and all but still, i guess i was really afraid to go start a conversation cause i'm afraid i won't be good enough company for them and i would be stumped cause i don't know how to reply them? ah well.. maybe being young and just doing some drama performance was much better. But the elderly were nice, the place wasn't anything grand or special, just a simply place with tables for meals and many wheelchairs, but the sight of how contented the elderly were was simply heart-warming. i wonder if i can leave happily in future as well.this week was a totally shagged week for me, i mean i seriously didn't have any time to have proper rest at all, which was URGH. u get what i mean, so anyways, i totally sucked at my previous tests, failing for both my econs and chem test... sigh... okay, training on monday again, last 4th traning, better appreciate. okay, many stuffs happening, don't know how to say it anyways, as in haiya, ah wells, i don't know, i guess i'll have to take things 1 step at a time, see how it goes... meanwhile, take care everyone.. and study hard!!! =) Saturday, August 13, 2005wohoo!!! wa... tonight was 1 wild night i tell u.. seriously wild. okay okay, shan't skip all the lil details.. always keep the best for the last right? whee!start with the morning... nothing much just that it rained so back to our classes, then SPE, changed sports from badminton to netball.. not too bad, ran 5 rounds with my classmate who wanted to rerun, then did some court craft, new term learnt today, haha... it wasn't too bad, though i had some problems moving 45 degrees... haha! following that the lessons were all rather boring, just that there was a part that my heart shattered, but ah well, shan't elaborate, basically, i sort of decided to give up on.. ya, i mean he probably found a new target and ya... sigh... later in the afternoon, i had the OCIP meeting and it was erm, rather disappointed i could say cos first i didn't know a lot of people, but that's not the point, the thing is that, there just wasn't much enthusiasm in a way, but oh wells, i believe it'll get better. *prays* then it was the badminton open, in fact, quite a few of us left early from the briefing to go for badminton open. i umpired quite a few matches and tehy were really breath-taking. really exciting and really good. thank goodness i only made minor mistakes... phew... then the matches ended promptly at about 5.30 then it was back to my house to dress up for drama night!!! so bz cheryl and mei yi came over to my house to dress up and bathe most importantly. so it was bz first, then cheryl and last mei yi. i bathed in my mum's toilet and took super long... haha! no choice lar, was shitting.. hehe.. then came out, changed etc etc, and seriously, i think they looked really pretty, hot i tell u.. haha! it was really funny getting ourselves out of the house, my jaket was zipped all the way up to the neck, haha, and the rest just had it slgihtly zipped, way funny, u should have seen. so we headed downstairs aht about 8 to buy some food and ended up buying chocs, haha, and 2 bottles of water. so as we headed there, we started taking off our jackets. felt so insecure at tt time lar, i mean i've never worn tt thing out before rite so ya... urgh, but anyways, felt some stares here and there initially but afterwards it was alright ready lar. then at the end, i saw some1, who was bloody cute lar, and just when i thought i'd be independent again, the sight made me melt. seriously, he looked super cute lar i duno y.. argh!!! its always like tt argh!!! okay so now i'm dozing off in front of the com, gotta catch some sleep man, shall give more details soon... tc! ciao! Thursday, August 11, 2005well, there're mainly 2 BIG things on my mind now that i'm unsure of, and i wonder if i want to know the answer to them or not.1st thing: i wonder when will be the day he officially steps out of my life. i mean i can see it coming, i just wonder when. i mean i'm really afraid, seriously, i don't want it to be another repeat of history. i don't want to grow so reliant on him that i forget totally how it feels like to be independent. i really enjoy his company, i mean he never fails to put that smile on my face though i'm really awfully mean to him, but still. sigh, ah well, what's meant to be will be. anyways i think its coming to an end soon. i can feel it coming. urgh, sickening feeling. 2nd thing: i can't say. i mean i can't. i can only hope for my choc to come bouncing to me and maybe i'll cheer up a lil.. oh well. i guess the thing tt really made me a lil happier was my shuttle run. now i can get a gold. yuppie! i fell the first time though, quite embarrassing but oh well... hehe... Wednesday, August 10, 2005Just came back from a concert, free concert at the SSA(singapore soka association). the concert was way cool, i mean i felt like jumping up and dance along with the flutist. oh i forgot to mention that the jazz concert was based on a solo jazz flutist, yup and he was great. loved the music. so ya, as i was saying, was really tempted to start dancing but had to resist right, i didn't want to appear foolish. hahaha...okay, so before that, cheryl and mei yi came over to my house to try on some clothes... reason? its a secret... haha.. thought my mum wouldn't mind but NO she mind, she nearly wanted to chase them out of the house but she decided to be nice and give me some face, oh well, i just gotta hope she'll give me face on fri... hm... so ya, we studied from bout noon to 5++ then went home, changed and ya, went for the concert. this early afternoon i had drama. fortunately, there's no particular costume my teacher had in mind for me, otherwise i'd be dead. odd, i'm relating about events from the back. okay, never mind, so, i'm not actually looking forward to tomorrow, cos i want to sleep!!! longer that is. haish, and tomorrow's a loooong day, wonder if i'll last. i had better. kinda hungry now, but shall resist all temptations cause i already brushed my teeth... haha! so which means i skipped dinner. hope i can slim back down to my 45kg, highly unlikely though.. haha... got shuttle run tomorrow, kinda afraid my legs will lose out on me. =X okay okay, shall go be a pig now, need all the rest i can get. super tired. take care one and all! nitey nite! *poof* Monday, August 08, 2005Today was the celebration of our nation's 40th birthday. In every school, the vibrant performing arts groups and the majestic uniform groups were looking their best for this special celebration. In every school, there's a parade commander commanding the entire parade, giving that grand feeling to the entire place.Having celebrated national day in SAC for 10 years of my life, i really wondered how it feels like to no longer celebrate it at where it always use to be. I remembered back then, we had to be report to school at 6.45 and i could never be late cause i was a leader and even then when i was a cadet, consequences were harsh hence no one would take the risk, with the exception for a few... =) But this year, it was different, it didn't really matter if you were late cause you're no longer under one single leader, one specific group. Everyone was like rojak mixed together, which have more vibrancy i felt, but lacked grandness cause there wasn't even a marching contingent. Thinking back at SAC, there were minimum 5 contingents of representatives of every single aspect of the school, the counsillers, the PFA, the sports and of couse SAC's finest uniform groups the SJAB and guides. And unlike today, with only 6-8 band players, we use to have the whole band in their neatest attire playing the whole parade song. How much i missed those times. and i remember clearly how each and every time we would shiver before the parade starts, because it is so grand an event, and how we would all stuff sweets into our mouths just in case we faint halfway(cos back then, we had to stand there for nearly 45 mins), but today, it wasn't even a 15 min stand there. haha... Initially, during the first few trainings, i kinda dreaded it cos the team didn't even seem united, no communication except for cheryl and her classmates, and the 4 of us that is. so it was kinda sad, until today, when suddenly, everyone lightened up a lot, and talked a bit more, and the photo taking parts were the funniest. we were just wasting pple's time trying to ask them again and again to help us take when everyone was just being irritating... haha... but u know, the most b-e-a-utiful picture was the whole group photo. that was really nice. okay, enough bout this morning's short ndp. following that, i met my class in the canteen and found out that my pals were gonna abandon me and diana to go for the class outing alone. *weeps* i really didn't want to go anymore cause like, not much meaning and all ,but ah wells, i couldn't bear to leave poor diana alone did i? so i went home to dump my stuff and off i went to eat them. it was pasta mania again for the second time, wasn't a good experience cos i ate erm, karin's food. oops... i really didn't mean to, i mean i sort of didn't think what my food looked like so ya, just ate whatever came. shan't explain how i found out but in the end, everything was alright. =) took some phtots, and ya, slacked around the mall for some time before we decided to go someone's house to watch a lil movie cos we were just stuck, i mean how many places can u go in sch uni rite. so ya.. headed to bernie's house in the end and watched bruce almighty. funny show, had sad parts though, was tearing a lil but not very obvious, and was bullying my poor classmate throughout. haha. then before we really seperated, we headed for pet safari, and i checked out the prices of the digi photo wash. not cheap at all, the shop increasd price, quite sad at tt, but ah wells, think i'll head down to parkway this wed after my drama and send those photos for developing. =D now i'm back home erm, slacking. gave tuition just now, and ya, sort of relieves me off tomorrow, which means i could probably study in the morn till bout afternoon then go over to my grands for bbq at night. study study study, guess that's bout all i can put in my itenary for the next few month... sigh... Sunday, August 07, 20051 blessing, 2 blessings, 3 blessings...haha, they're uncountable. i gotta admit i've been moody and feeling awfully crappy, but you know what, i'm counting my blessings and i realise there's so many i'll never be able to count them all. Every tiny little thing that i possess is a blessing to me. And every true friend is worth millions and zillions of blessings so just imagine how lucky i am to have met such wonderful pple. :) oh, i think i forgot to thank someone else in my entry the other time, and that's my PW grp leader who attempted to cheer me up but like made me tear even more lar, but nevertheless, he was there... thank u! haha.. i'm alright now i guess, but i mean, the guilt is there and all, but we just gotta look forward rite, if its meant to be then it is, as long as i do my part as a friend then its fine, i hope. anyways back to today, just had tranining in the morning, was rather tired cos i slept quite late last night, and i couldn't smash properly today, quite sad bout that but oh well... oh ya, was pissed just now. super pissed... i remembered myself waiting for my parents for nearly an hour in the past, and if i ever made a sound about it, i'd get scolding and be ignored for a day or 2, but u know, now, my bro just has to wait FIFTEEN mins and he complains like nobody's business and my parents don't say a single shit. its irrritating me totally. see, i have training in the morning rite, while my bro has his chi tuition, so my parents usually stops by tm to shop and stuff, and i'd wait for him at a usual stop to pick me then pick my bro, and every time, as in EVERY time he comes up the car, he never fails to insult me with "see lar, i have to wait 15 mins for some snail" and its always my fault and damn it its only 15 mins lar, last time i waited for nearly an hour can, and i had to shut up. i was super pissed, i mean like hello, once or twice u say that i ren, but its EVERY SINGLE WEEK, u know how bloddy irritating that is, and my mum don't even say anything when its her fault. sick can. and when i try to argue back, my mum asks me to shut up. like argh!!! SO BLOODY BIAS. he's freaking rude to every single member in the house, rude to my grandparents etc, and my mum doesn't say a single thing. except when he's rude to HER own parents, freaking irritating, and when he's so disrespectful to my paternal parents, she just laughs it off and closes her eyes. how sick, bias and unkind, and she said i was selfish, and i had to teach him. oh pls, look at whose not teaching her child. ARGH!!!!!!! and she claims... CLAIMS she's fair.. oh pls lor... urgh... ARGH!!!! okay, breathe, count to 10... 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10. okay, done being pissed. but coming to think of it, i seriosuly wonder how long i'll last... oh ya oh ya! i haven said the best part, every time my parents are late to pick my bro rite, my mum ALWAYS pushes the blame to my dad, in fact, i never heard herself saying its her fault and she has the cheeck to say my sis never admits her mistakes, now i know where the genes come from.. *rolls eyes* and no wonder my bro is so rude to my dad. stupid boy. argh! okay... so that's all for now, heading to my grands soon, nothing to do there. boring... tomorrow's the marching thing for ndp. hope everything turn out okay, we're suppose to be in school by 6.45 and i know for sure that mei yi and cheryl will be late. super sure. and as for the class outing after that... if valr's not going, i dun think i'll go either... ah well... i'll see bout it... Saturday, August 06, 2005 my class!!!i don't think i'll ever want to be that straight forward again. darn, i'm still feeling so bloody guilty, not because its him i said it to, but its because i actually said such mean stuff, i mean what happened to me??? argh!!!! okay, i was mean before, but now its worse, its the extreme, i've never seen myself so evil before... argh!!! i felt really horrid last night i teared to sleep. haha, never seen myself more pathetic. oh goodness, i really gotta thank my buddies for being there for me, thank valr, thank kr, thank my bestest friends for being there for me, really appreciate it through and through. ya, kr was really sweet lar, keep calling me to ask if i was alright... haha, actually, i really didn't expect it to turn out this way, i started out jokingly and i really didn't expect him to have taken it so seriously... argh! i'm a total sinner. darn. and just when u think things could't become any worse, it just does, and i screwed up my piano lesson so badly, i wanted to cry... again. oh screwed, i hope i can play badminton properly later, gotta whack balls to feel better. i'm seriously feeling bitchified, if there's such a word, i just don't want to make enemies, why can't i just watch my gap, i'm such a freak i tell u... ARGH!!!! from now on, i'm going to shut my stupid mouth, i wonder how successful that's gonna be, but i gotta try, before i hurt someone else again... okay, i'm going for drama soon, i need lots of prayer i tell u, and once again, thanks to all those peeps who were there for me... *hugz* tc! just came back and ya, thought i'd update a bit more bout my horrid day... the day just got worse, i had drama, which didn't turn out as well, was hoping i could whack some shuttles just now to relieve frustrations but to turn out totally disappointed cause you had no fun at all playing, i mean i'm tired, but not because of the game, but because i'm mentally and physically drained, i didn't have enough sleep, so i guess the best part of today was, the dinner, the food was good, i'm glad i had tt to cheer me up... hehe... oh, and from what i hear, i guess he's doing okay? ah wells, major lesson learnt, "silence is golden" Here's the song "bad day" by daniel something... enjoy.. Where is the moment we needed the most You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost They tell me your blue skies fade to grey They tell me your passion's gone away And I don't need no carryin' on You stand in the line just to hit a new low You're faking a smile with the coffee to go You tell me your life's been way off line You're falling to pieces everytime And I don't need no carryin' on Cause you had a bad day You're taking one down You sing a sad song just to turn it around You say you don't know You tell me don't lie You work at a smile and you go for a ride You had a bad day The camera don't lie You're coming back down and you really don't mind You had a bad day You had a bad day Well you need a blue sky holiday The point is they laugh at what you say And I don't need no carryin' on Cause you had a bad day You're taking one down You sing a sad song just to turn it around You say you don't know You tell me don't lie You work at a smile and you go for a ride You had a bad day The camera don't lie You're coming back down and you really don't mind You had a bad day (Oh.. Holiday..) Sometimes the system goes on the blink And the whole thing turns out wrong You might not make it back and you know That you could be well oh that strong And I'm not wrong So where is the passion when you need it the most Oh you and I You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost Cause you had a bad day You're taking one down You sing a sad song just to turn it around You say you don't know You tell me don't lie You work at a smile and you go for a ride You had a bad day The camera don't lie You're coming back down and you really don't mind You had a bad day You had a bad day You had a bad day You had a bad day You had a bad day You had a bad day You had a bad day Friday, August 05, 2005actually i had quite some stuff to write today, but now that i'm online, everything somehow poof away... hm... anyways, the happiest thing that happened to me today was that... i completed my 2.4kn run in 13.33 mins!!! wohoo!!! really happy bout that, but i really pushed myself i tell u...so ya, i wanted to write about something else... hm... oh. i better put this lyrics... been looking for it for some time... its holla back girl by gwen stefani: Uh huh, this my sh** All the girls stomp your feet like this A few times I've been around that track So it's not just goin' to happen like that Because I ain't no hollaback girl I ain't no hollaback girl[2x] Oooh, this my sh**, this my sh** [4x] I heard that you were talking sh** And you didn't think that I would hear it People hear you talking like that, getting everybody fired up So I'm ready to attack, gonna lead the pack Gonna get a touchdown, gonna take you out That's right, put your pom-poms down, getting everybody fired up A few times I've been around that track So it's not just goin' to happen like that Because I ain't no hollaback girl I ain't no hollaback girl[2x] Oooh, this my sh**, this my sh** [4x] So that's right dude, meet me at the bleachers No principals, no student-teachers All the boys want to be the winner, but there can only be one So I'm gonna fight, gonna give it my all Gonna make you fall, gonna sock it to you That's right, I'm the last one standing, another one bites the dust A few times I've been around that track So it's not just goin' to happen like that Because I ain't no hollaback girl I ain't no hollaback girl[2x] Oooh, this my sh**, this my sh** [4x] Let me hear you say, this sh** is bananas B-A-N-A-N-A-S[4x] A few times I've been around that track So it's not just goin' to happen like that Because I ain't no hollaback girl I ain't no hollaback girl[2x] Oooh, this my sh**, this my sh** [4x] funny song, but rather addictive... rather crude i must add, but ah wells, if it caught my attention, its something... haha! okay, so i'm actually quite mean, erm, in fact, rather mean lar, been quite bad to some pple, but ah wells, shall have to start being nicer otherwise no one would talk to me anymore... *weeps* hehe... erm, i shall rethink of what i wanted to say and erm come back... oh ya, i didn't update bout how i did for the rest of of 5 items, 4 in fact, erm got C for sit and reach, B for sbj, A for sit ups and pull ups... and shuttle run, not done, so but counting so far, i should be able to get my gold... hopefully... till then, ciao! = i gotta admit, sometimes i'm really irritating and not the best person to approach because of my temperamental nature, and i know some pple can't take it, but sometimes i find it hard to console, to counsel someone when i'm super upset myself, and i don't want anyone to know becuase i don't want them to know, because i don't want them to worry, because they have their own problems, is this wrong? i'm not someone who can use encouraging words all the time, i mean i'm after all human, rite? and okay, i admit i'm a sucker with words, sometimes words just some out of my mouth without going through my brain, and i know i've hurt pple at times and i don't mean it, and why so? its just my stupid confidence lar, i seriously gotta burst that nonsensical pride of mine, although deep down, i'm really uncertain of myself, oh shucks, i really don't want to be mean to anyone and i want to live up to one of my goals in life and tt's to make pple feel good, which i'm totally failing. darn, it always happens, i think i gotta shut my gap. sick. feel like crying lar, no, in fact i'm tearing, my stupid PW grp leader just made me feel worse. so much for asking him to cheer me up.. haha... = |